The Moron's Soapbox 5/28/98

Go out and rent every James Bond movie ever, then read every Comic Book ever, I'll wait...... Ok, now that you've wasted several months of your life I'll go on with my stupid little essay thing. There is one thing you'll notice right away that they all have in common. If you don't notice it right away, then go back and watch all the movies again, and read all the comic books again, I'll wait...... I'm sure by now you have noticed it. Every villain in all of them always chooses such evil sounding names. This seems stupid to me, because you can hardly hide from the law when your name is something like, The Manhattan Nun Killer. All the police have to do is look at all hotel reservations in the local area, and then hunt down the people with evil sounding names. So I propose that all bad guys should choose more subtle names, that way it would be easier to lay low. The following is a chart of evil names, that I have done the chore of translating into more subtle names.

Current Evil name	Updated, subtle name
Mr. Big	Mr. Slightlylargerthantheaveragesize
Dr. Octopus	Dr. Fiddler crap (who's afraid of those?)
The Scorpion	The House Spider
Poison Ivy	A Domesticated Breed of Ivy
Apocalypse	George Smith

Sure these names aren't as menacing, but if you ever decide to go on a murderous rampage, try thinking of a friendlier name, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Anouther helping of The Moron